we're getting further away; from what we never had

Saturday, May 30, 2009 @5:10 AM

woah. it's been almost a month since i last posted. i guess i've been going too much at night or dotaing too much. i canceled my contract with ca california and i'm heading to halia restaurant ! well it's been quite a long wait to the start of my attachment as ca dragged our time in a very ridiculous way, most of my peers have already gotten their 2nd paycheck and here am i still at home slacking; thus i can't tolerate anymore so both desmond and i decided to head to halia restaurant since they were able to let us start work immediately and they are paying us at a better rate. 2 days 1 night more to enjoy my long break before i sell myself to this attachment.

feeling so desperately alone
i discover myself wandering around a strange new place.
i look behind me, hoping to see a familiar face,
and then stare straight ahead, only to find nothing but darkness.
i try to move further on, but i stumble and fall.
stuck, unable to stand, i rest upon the stone-cold ground
and listen for a soothing, heavenly sound.
hearing none, i raise my hands to my tear-stained eyes,
and cover them to see an even greater fear.
i picture the darkness swallowing the ones i love so dear.
forever gone, i will always be alone with the company of only a wall.
snapping out of the nightmare, i quickly open my eyes.
now I can see a bright light before me,
beckoning me to come closer to reveal what i can possibly be
in the future, leaving the past behind.
i feel so much like a prisoner, just released after being confined,
that the outside world, i will always now despise.
anger and fear increased over the years of solemn imprisonment,
from the time of childhood to adolescence.
i could see my hope slowly reaching its final evanescence,
but i held on and still am, after much advisement.
i have finally realized that in the end, i will still feel alone,
just as in a vast ocean, teeming with the living and lifeless, alone feels a stone.

i've been traveling on this road too long
just trying to find my way back home
the old me is dead and gone; dead and gone.