Monday, March 02, 2009 @1:03 AM
okay it was quite a happening week. full of interviews and it's like woah.
sat was quite errrr i dont know how t put it. work at The French Kitchen was quite fast paced. it was th first time i had t peel LIVE prawns and what made it better they were very aggressive. it was cruel t peel them alive but i could not not do it as it was work. i'm sooooooo going t hell and i'm prepared for it. i could hardly understand what th chef was saying also. its like his french accent is so strong. and th sous chef there is like damn fierce. oh wells gotta wait till tuesday and see whether i'll get accepted into there.
wooooooooooo. i got accepted into CA* California on friday and i'm told that they would inform me with regards on th date of signing th contract. but i can't really make a decision just yet as i have a second interview w/ Goodwood park and The Hidden Host. i'll see which offers me th best and just go into there.
&& yeah i think it was all my fault all along eh? i mean yeah didn't give me false hopes, you didn't lead me on in circles. yeah u didnt do anything wrong. how about no? hahah. true enough, things wouldnt have been like that if i had not fallen for you; but there are always two side t things? if you had chosen t handle it properly or rather face th problem instead of running away from it. but unfortunately u did not. have i not been gentleman enough; have i not given up enough; have i not did enough or is it rather what did i not do? yeah just act like nothing ever happened yeah its ALRIGHT. hahah.
hahah yeah you would just say nobody said u have t do anything for me blah blah blah. okay its my fault for being so foolish; so stupid t even love you. yeah after all love is blind. it made me so blind that i kept on listening t all your bullshit all this while. it made me lose my sense of judgement for what is wrong and right. i doubt a word that you said was even true. hahah as i said u've probably forgotten what you even said cos u just wanted a spare tyre isn't it? so many people have asked me 'what in th world happened to brian lin' cos if it was th real brian lin he would have slapped th person countless times and give th person a good time but i didnt choose t do that cos i love you.
and i just want t let you know; u never did make things clear. u kept bring me on th merry-go-round. just because u were 'confused' at different point of time you could choose whatever you like t do right? i like that. whatever i did for you came from th bottom of my heart and i never ever did expect anything in return. th things u did and said if u have remembered really hurt me. it really hurt me. i never did expect anything t come out fr what i did but th least i could expect from you was th fking sarcasm that you gave me. i really felt great when that happened. now it comes to 'oh u were th one who started it' hahah well maybe you should go take a look what you have said and done and maybe think about people's feelings before u even say anything. but i dont think it really matters t you cos u just needed a fool t talk t you and support you at tht point of time and when my time was up yeah u just kicked me away like a ball. thank you. i like that. seriously have i not been gentleman enough t you? have i not put down my pride cos of you? woooo. you know what; it does not matter t u in any way. LOL.
hahah so much for everything eh? u didnt want t lose this friendship cos of my liking towards you. well i would say no; at tht point of time when u said that if u recall what had happened. but maybe after all this time hahah no chance in hell i would consider giving this friendship a chance ever again. but you know something? i still love you even though what had happened. but it doesnt matter cos yeah its impossible for us t be together eh?! HAHAH! what a fool you are brian lin!
thank you; u've made learn a lot this time. and i wont ever give my heart out fr a girl ever again at least fr th near future. wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
and i found th answer t greg's question as of now onwards is : everything; but again its also nothing.
darkest depths of my soul slowly
being destroyed by your chemical.
yes i'm tired of being alone
last love has turned my heart cold as stone.
trust, love, and faith all thrown back in my face
i'm such a disgrace.
you dont deserve the comfort of my love
and i didnt deserved to be pushed, or shoved.
did i even mean anything to you?
or was i just a toy for you to subdue?
i dont know anymore the real me when i look in the mirror
i cant understand what and who i see.
you've sent me back to the way i use to be
cold hearted, bitter, and inside angry.
my image of myself is incomplete, broken, and dead
i know i'm not perfect
nothing but a burden for some lost soul to collect.
but you made me think different
but it was all a lie and every word you never meant.
but i will find someone better than you
and with that happiness there's nothing you can do.
give me what i could never ask for
give me back my heart .
so i can give it to another who deserves what i have to give
a dead soul that desperately wants to live.
but I try to forgive you now
and try not to think about before
i love you so much
it just hurts to ponder now i never thought
it would hurt this bad
and i never imagined
you could make me feel so sad
but for now i will smile
and pretend nothing is wrong
i know one day
this pain and hurt will be gone
th way you always knew what to say
how we used to talk; almost everyday
but now that things have turn out this way
i have to be strong
and hope that one day
i will be able to move on and hopefully that day comes real soon.aights time t ciao. feeling very tired alr.
