Monday, March 30, 2009 @5:02 PM
its th end of shatec. godddddddd. at th blink of an eye; a year had passed. so many things had happened; so many things had changed. some things i did i regretted it; some things i did i will definitely stand firm on my ground. it's really sad t see my classmates go. but there's no never-ending party so we all just have t bid each other farewell.
i came into shatec without a goal in life; perhaps at th point of time when i registered for shatec it's probably a way for me t continue studying as my o level results couldnt really bring me far. i came into shatec with a very slack mentality. as my friends from previous batches have told me it's quite slack. till now my mentality totally made a huge change. i realised this is a stepping stone towards my future career as a chef. i had t wake up from a dream, a stupid dream that i was having since secondary school. and i had t stop my nonsense and do something about my future. shatec somehow helped mould me in a way or another.
now come t think of it shatec was still not as memorable compared t secondary school. but both have its memories that i would really cherish of.
wooooo A class chalet was fun in a way. having zack there was one hell of a good thing lol. he is one entertainer that you will miss. so basically we gambled till 1plus 2 and after that we went down t drink. apparently clement brought a $2k+ bottle champagne. to be honest i couldnt even taste th $2 out of th $2000. lol. so we drank till 3 plus everybody started getting high, and slowly everybody started dispersing and went t sleep. greg was one of th first few t toh and guess what, i had t wait till he wakes up and then leave together with him. so i stayed awake and just stoned. emolation time ! during that one hour many thoughts went through my head; really many many have, many many got. i thought so much that i was like in my own sub-conscious world. stoned till 4plus maggie and co. came back from macs they thought i was drunk or smth and asked whether i was okay. i was like i'm more sober than i can ever be. so i continued stoning and found that guosheng was also not sleeping. so i went t chat with him. chatted till almost 6. i went back t th chalet and i decided i needed t cycle. so i took one of th bikes and cycled around pasir ris park. when i was cycling more thoughts came through my mind. almost every part of th park i went pass there was something that happened there. so many memories flashed back. i really miss th good o' days that we had. when we were still young and naive of th world.
so i stopped and stoned at one of th stone blocks. i had 1 min of sleep and during that one minute i saw my grandfather. he was looking at me and shaking his head. come t think of it i never really did anything t make him feel proud of. i really miss him. there's really something missing when he's gone. i teared when i thought of him. actualy i didn't just tear. i'm going t pay him a visit soon.
after that i couldnt sleep so i continued stoning and watched th sunrise. hahah sunrise wasn't really anything special. just like any other normal sunrise that you would get t see in pasir ris park. i looked at th open sea. and more thoughts came upon my mind. its like a never ending cycle. one thought links to another and so on and so forth. has this world come t a point that there is no point of living? why are we even on this earth and why do we not get contended with what we have? some people are millionaires or even billionaires but they are never contended with what they have and they just want more. some people are borned with proper features but they want more than what they have for e.g. going for plastic surgery etc. we are very fortunate to have proper features. do they ever consider th fact th some people are borned without legs or hands etc. but they are still living life just as it is. is this what we call karma? we got th retribution for what we did in our previous life or is it so-called generic defect? so many things science can never prove it.
some people may proclaim their so-called ever lasting love for a person. but in this world is there a thing that is 'ever-lasting'? nothing's ever-lasting. th fact of no money; no honey is real. so real that people choose t deceive themselves to believe that they will love each other no matter how poor th opp is. yes that is possible when u all have no children or burden. when you start a family. your finance is so important that everything your child needs requires money. and when you have no money th couple is bound t quarrel. and when you quarrel there's a chance that you might fall out and when you fall out thats th end. so called everlasting love. heh.
love? is there even such a thing in this world called love? and how do u even judge how many percent of love u give t th person? if love can be judged by numbers then yes love is a calculative thing. its like maybe i give a 110% and i get 10% in return? what do u think love is? business? hahah. if you truly love the person it does not require of you t ask for anything in return. but giving th human nature everybody would surely want or actually expect something in return. contradicting? nah. you may say 'oh this person treated me unfairly in this relationship' now what is so called fair and what is unfair? fair means th person treats you like gold that's fair? unfair when th person treats you like dirt?
there's no way t judge whether a relationship is fair or unfair. there's never a complete fair exchange of feelings in a relationship. one party surely will give more than th other be it money or devoting of feelings. in your point of view, if you were th one that is giving then it's 'unfair' to you. but if you are th one taking, its okay it doesnt really matter; does it? in a way or another nobody and no one except you; yourself t devote and give your heart out for th person so dont say its unfair when th person does not reciprocate. it's th real world wake up. putting yourself in despair cause th person doesn't reciprocate wont make th person love you in anyway. you may be sad; you may feel disappointed but th person does not give a damn about it. at least that's what i feel for most cases. then again u cant expect yourself t be happy especially when th person lead you around in circles and toyed with your feelings; giving you false hopes etc. so don't blame anybody but yourself cause at th end of th day its you yourself who chose t give your heart out for th person. if you wan t give make sure that you do it willingly; and not whining after th person did not responding to what you did for them.
"it's better t have loved and lost than t never loved at all" this phrase it just makes yourself feel better. cause u 'lost' th person by not getting together with them. or rather you did some things that may have cause th relationship between you and th person t fail miserably. but if you truly love th person, th love u have for th person will always be kept in your heart and not so-called lost. love can be gone but it can never be lost? what do you mean by lost love? does it mean when th person gives up th hope of having or continuing a relationship? what actually is th real meaning behind lost love? or rather is it th lost of faith in love?
love is word that many mis-use. i have feelings therefore i love you? do people even consider th fact whether is it an infatuation or a fling before they throw out th 3 words of 'i love you' its so easy t say 'i love you' and its so hard t show whether you really love th person. does it mean that you spent a lot of money on th person means that you love th person a lot? yes in a way or another. considering at this era everything is so costly and almost everything requires money. but can money buy love? yes in a way. some people get together th initial reason of getting together is cause th opp has money or looks. if th person have money you wont have t fork out money when you 2 go out etc. at our age we should go with th 'no money, also happy' thought but this world is getting too materialistic. too many people get obsessed with money, material gains etc. people are thinking too much into benefits of getting into a relationship with th person. rather than considering whether they truly like th person. definitely when 2 people get together it's cause they have mutual feelings for each other, th liking that they have fr one another. then again do they really have genuine feelings for each other? there's so many questions that can't be answered.
love and then make love. that's what most guys have in their mind when they get into a relationship. is having sex really that important in a relationship? so are u getting together with th girl just for th sake of having sex or what. guys always think that sex is very important in a relationship. yes its a very open world now but too many people has considered sex as a crucial factor in a relationship. guys would say i have my needs and girl would also have their needs. but isn't it most of th time th guys' needs rather than th girls' needs? many girls actually lose their first time t their boyfriend cause their boyfriends wants it. th girl truly loves th girl and thats why she is willing t give up their virginity and their most sacred first time for you. then again guys feel as if it's nothing even if she gave me my first time cause she was th one that was willing and i didnt force her. so if you wan t get together with a person just because of sex wouldn't that hurt your conscience? well actually most people forget th word 'conscience' even existed.
break-up. it's also a phrase that many couples always use. "i want to break up with you" what's th point of breaking and patching when you people have already broken up. if you guys could break up once that means you can break up twice thrice etc. because both of you already have differences in each other that neither could give in to. being together ain't just about 'being together' it's so much more than that. you would have t learn how t give in, how to care for each, how to accept each other for who they are and most importantly know how t love each other. quarrels are inevitable in a relationship and if a couple's relationship can go through an argument, fight etc. it will only help strengthen their relationship and know each other better. how many people actually realise th seriousness of breaking up? they treat th phrase too lightly and just throw it out whenever they feel like it. so i see that's th whole point of getting into a relationship eh? seeing who's th one who ditched who. hah
one-sided love is one of th hardest to keep. many people just give up halfway and look for a new target. it is hard because most of th time, th things you do, th feelings you devote, th time that u give may not be returned or may not even be seen. some may think "i can try t make th person touched and thus like me". NO. that does not fking happen. even though th person may be touched but touched does not mean must like. th fking human nature is just like that. when you need a person you acknowledge their existence but when you don't, you just treat them as if you never knew them. at this era, there is no such thing as try t make a person touched anymore. no matter how much you, what you do, whatever. hah. cause th fact is touched doesnt mean must like.
love is something that can create havoc between friendships and relationships. th complex nature of a human can never be totally discovered or known. you will never know how much a person would do t just get th person of their dreams. how much time they will give out, how much effort they will put in, how much they will do, until th extend of fucking a friendship up. it is something that will cause humans t lose their sanity. i dont even know what more t say. there is too much going on in my mind.
i never really did know how t love someone; maybe i never will. you may call it sua-ku or whatever or however you may put it. i tried; twice, putting in all my effort, giving out my heart, being there for th person whenever they needed me and giving my all for the person i really love. i thought naively that by doing that th person would reciprocate. but you know what? what ever could possibly go wrong possibly went wrong. so maybe just maybe i'll never know what love is.
嘴巴說她不值得我在想了, 但是心裡卻好想;好想她
