it's been a tiring week. everyday i have interviews and all averaging about 45 mins. th longest one was with sweet indulgence. 1 1/2 hours. my god! woooooooo.

goddd. i dont know what t do now. go or dont go?! ohwells gotta wait fr th call.

today i'm gna go t The French Kitchen t work. heard th sous chef there is very fierce and hopefully i dont get scolded by him. ohwells see how it goes then.



alrights gotta zhao needa do project and then go work alr.

wahhhhhhhhhhhh. 6 interviews, 2 down; 4 more to go!




today i went t The French Kitchen for an interview. it's a very small restaurant; but apparently th executive chef there is well recognised in the culinary industry in singapore. he was such a nice guy. it was th first time that i saw a chef that nice. after he interviewed me he still told me t go back on saturday t have a trial run with them t see whether i liked working in their kitchen and not regretting making th choice t sign a contract with them. woooo.


tomorrow is CA* California and The Hidden Host. godddd i'm like so scared. ohwells. see how it goes then.






greg's question is still on my mind; and it's really hard t find an answer t it. ohwells.





thank you & good bye.

some people live for the fortune 
some people live just for the fame 
some people live for the power, yeah 
some people live just to play the game 
some people think that the physical things define what’s within 
and i been there before but that life’s a bore, so full of the superficial 
some people want it all, but I don’t want nothing at all 
some people want diamond rings, some just want everything 
some people search for a fountain 
the promise is forever young 
some people need three dozen roses 
and that’s the only way to prove you love them 
hand me the world on a silver platter 
and what good would it be 
with no-one to share with
is this the real life?
is this just fantasy?
caught in a landslide,
no escape from reality.
when I saw the break of day 
i wished that i could fly away 
instead of kneeling in the sand 
catching teardrops in my hand 
out across the endless sea 
i would die in ecstasy 
but I'll be a bag of bones 
driving down the road alone
open your eyes, look up to the skies and see,
i'm just a poor boy, i need no sympathy,
because i'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low,
any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me; to me
too late, i think my time has come,
sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time.
goodbye, everybody, I've got to go,
i sometimes wish i'd never been born at all.


seems like it was yesterday
when I saw your face
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
thank you for all you've done
there's nothing I wouldn't do
to hear your voice again
sometimes I wanna call you
but I know you won't be there
some days I feel broke inside
but I won't admit
sometimes I just wanna hide
cause it's you I miss
and it's so hard to say goodbye
when it comes to this




my heart's drenched in wine, but you'll be on my mind; forever.

godddddd. i have blister that is damn irritating. made some cheesecake last night with greg and jolynn. baked all th way till like 145. then greg had t zhao. so i waited fr my cake t cool down and by th time it cooldown it was alr 3am. godddd.


yesterday greg and i were like back t secondary school times. we were talking about all th stupid things we've done during these past 10 years of our friendship. all th troubles we got into together in school, fun times we had class; after school etc. it was kind of funny t come t think back what we've done in th past esp th past 4 years.

today was kind of a miserable day. so miserable that i did nt even have money t eat. bloody hell. luckily desmond treated me t lunch cos i helped him fr his food cost exam. and as usual lessons were boring as hell. aft sch wen t study with kieran at starbucks at forum. on th way there we shared about our secondary school life and something else. and also how contradicting a human can be.



greg asked me th same question again last night. and i still can't find th answer t it. or actually; i dare not answer him.




&& t be honest i may say i've had enough of you; but deep in my heart i still love you. every time i tell myself its easy t get over this and yes its easy t get over this but every time when i hear your name, see you or even hear your voice everything just come's back.i know very clearly that holding this on will not bring this relationship or rather friendship into a level that i want. i think it's time that i try t change this love that i have for you into a sibling type of love. idk how am i going t do it. i'm just gonna try. but actually i did try before but it didn't work out. it tears my heart knowing that you are hurting inside for someone else; and there's nth that i can do about it. actually i really want t do smth about it but i just dont know how to. i do not know how t mend your heart neither know how t even talk t you esp after what happened. knowing that you are sick i really wanted t go down t your house and take care of you but th way things are now i really do not know how t do it. i think my only way of loving you now is just t help you whenever you need my help; do anything that you want me t do. that's th least i think i can do or express my love for you now.




一颗爱你的心; 时时刻刻为你转不停



-- Jolynn; i love you

back t th old routine. jogging, dota, studying. sadly i did not manage t hit my target. argh. and i still havent found a place fr attachment. i'm soooooooooo worried. omtian.




wooooooooooooooooooooooo. i'm still coughing blood and i just love it. i'm just going t smoke my life away. and i'm running out of money t buy ciggies once again. ohnonononono. that sucks.



i still can't get that question greg asked me out of my head. and th best part is there's no answer t it.




i'm gna attempt t sleep now.



i wear this crown of thorns; upon my liars' chair.
full of broken thoughts; i cannot repair.

i'm feeling enraged and at th same time lousy now. i coughed out blood like a lot of times tonight. if i get a cancer of some sort i swear; i'm going to commit suicide. i don't want t be a burden t myself and my family.


so th saying still stays th same. th good will never beget good. th bad will never beget bad. you will not really reap what you sow. sometimes; you may put in a 100% effort into something that you do but end up getting nothing back. yes; sometimes some things its nt th matter of getting something back.

so is it my fault that somebody else that offended you is a guy and at th same time i'm also a guy. i was just trying t help and th least u could do was t give me an attitude.well fk that i've had enough. you treat me as a brother? hah i doubt u even treated me as a friend. you've been hurt; i've been hurt too. i'm gna be real this time. really real this time.

yeah it's my fault tht i was foolish enough t even listen t what u said. t even believe what u said was true. yeah like what some people said maybe you just treated me like a spare tyre after all. i did not want t ever believe that. but facts had proved me right. when you act like nothing ever happened it really hurt me. yeah it's my fault fr taking a liking on you; fr even loving you and existing in your life.

i really gave my heart out fr you although i know very well that nothing would change th relationship between us. all th things you've said still stayed in my head till this date and well i think it doesn't really matter t u after all. maybe you even forgotten what you said.hahah. i was a complete fool fr you and too bad fr me yeah.

yeah guys should jump down cos its their fault all th time right? even though he gave his 100% for you. all guys are bad all of them hurt girls' hearts. hurt them by giving their all fr th girl he likes; th girl he loves. guys are all just th same aft all eh. how bout maybe THINK AGAIN? think about what you've done t th person and how did u hurt th person. your actions and everything else you do or say before you even pass a judgement on guys. its nt really our fault all th time; yeah it is cos we are so stupid t even like you; oh actually its just maybe me.


friends? nahhh dont even think that word existed between us. this time will be th last time i do something fr you. i do not feel like saying anything anymore. it does nt matter at all; anymore.






you've hurt me bad; but i wont shed a tear.

goddddddddd. its 1230am and i'm still not asleep. and today's thursday alr which means tomorrow i have ko test! omgomgomgomgomg.




i need proper sleep, cause nowadays i can't really seem t fall asleep and that is in no way good.








greg asked me th same question yesterday; and i still can't find th answer to it.




i'm going to ponder over my thoughts till i sleep.





&& afterall, even all th sad songs; ain't so sad



--i still love you and it's kind of foolish t hold t smth that will never happen.

woooooo. just woke up not long ago from my power sleep. went t study with desmond and greg for their food cost last night. desmond came over t my hse around 6pm and studied almost all th way.

it was a massive overnight study. but we studied till like 4am and i told them t go home and take a power nap cos none of them had th motivation or rather th mind to absorb anything so we went home and met up again @ 745 at desmond's house and headed back to school.

it was th most effective 1 1/2 hours of study and yes ah! it did helped them. was quite happy that i actually could help them. so when their exam started i wen t desmond's car t take a nap. but unfortunately i failed miserably as i couldnt sleep. so after their exams we went fr lunch and then went home. when i reached home i immediately tohed till now.




greg asked me a question that really struck my mind; and i can't seem t find th answer till now.







and when there's nothing left t say.

差一点骗了自己
爱与被爱不一定成正比
但我无法完全交出自己
努力为你改变
却变不了预, 留的伏笔
以为在你身边那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天
可是昨天已非常遥远
但闭上双眼我还看得见
可惜不是你陪我到最后
如果明月无心
那天空不会下雨
如果大海有情
沙滩不会沉睡
你就像那大海
我就是那明月
明月有心大海无情
如果能够无心
就不会再哭泣
如果不再有情
也不用再伤心
如果只是如果
你如何能做到
我的心情谁能明了
在风中在雨中
多少的岁月匆匆
难道你难道你
看不到我的痴情
我等待我等待
我等待黎明快来
当明月沉入大海
彷佛被你抱满怀
是等待是无奈
是悲哀!






一颗爱你的心时时刻刻为你转不停

ahhhhhhhhhhh. next week's common tests. i soooo need somebody else t study with! i'm gna study till i drop. no more dota; no more going out. just pure school + jogging. and there's still no positive replies from any hotel or restaurant. i'm like so afraid that i can't get attached t a place. uh oh.




blogging seems like a very difficult thing t do nowadays. it sort of defeated th whole purpose of having a blog. OMTIAN LUH!!!!!! there's really so much that i want t say and bomb out but i'm either too lazy to or dont have t mood to. ohwells.







all th days spent together; i wished for better.

AD_A*ID)(D*)A*D)A(UDA)(DU)A(U)D ROAR!



my ko grp work is killing me. die la!



my god i'm so gna study till i go mad man. 7As. cmon u can do it brian!




i must be strong; and carry on!





-- i < / 3 you


&& no i can't find th words; cause i lost them th minute they fell out my mouth

omgawwwwwwwwwd.



i just spent 2 1/2 hours sending out my resumes. omgomgomg i'm so afraid that i can't get accepted into a restaurant or hotel for attachment. ohwells. school was boring as usual. ahhhh but nvmd its okay i'm still gna study at home. stupid adrian had t remind me of being helpless when i was high and th moment when he kissed me like 10+ times. my godd i swear im nt gna ever drink ever again. it got me into a massive emo mood. ohwells.




wahhhhhh. i feel like blogging but im just too lazy t type.




break this bittersweet spell on me; lost in th arms of destiny.

woooooooooo. my god i just woke up from my coma. drinking session was just crazy. everybody got high; adrian got CRAZY. he went around a fed everybody alcohol. bloody idiot. he ran around and around and it was damn funny lol. well anws it was jerome and his bday celebration so it dont matter!



i drank and th stages of drinking came out. but luckily only th first 3 stages. th third was th most jialat. massive hardcore emocore. i just went one side alone and listened to my mp3. but adrian that stupid idiot came and drowned me with alcohol again. but hell out of memories went pass my mind during this period of 3 hours. th people i lost; but also th people i've met in my life. th things i've done etc. omgawwddd. i was so close to crying.


is th world really going t end at dec 21 2012? there is so much misery in this world that mankind can't even help himself. are people borned t live in misery and t face problems? ahhhhhhhhhh. i do not want t continue again. i'll blog again when i'm in a much more sober mood cause i'm still high.




and it seems like a lost somehow; my heart got lost on th way to my head

brian lin shixian, 21051990 acs junior,acs barker, SHATEC DCS 408B !
dota,sports,cooking,slacking,stoning


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