woah yesterday was a blast!

we drank at like 12pm in th afternoon. which was damn damn damn dumb. stupid adrian insisted we drink cause its his bday + jerome's bday combined. hahah jerome's face turned into a tomato aft like one sip. HAHAH! during classes we were all like high and nonsensical. after school we went t carnivore @ vivo t have dinner. it was great. th food there was fantastic; awesome! woooooo!


yayy! mummy cooked nasi lemak. so nice. i love my mom. and and today's sentosa day! i don't feel like going cause we are going t drink. drinking has 4 stages, first its th high,2nd th happiness, 3rd th sadness, 4th th violence. i'm nt gna get wasted today cause those guys need somebody t tk care of them and if all of us we drunk; all hell WILL break loose.


ohmytian i'm still falling asleep in class. die la. like tht how t achieve 7As. omg i need t re-format my life again. its like no matter how much i sleep i still feel sleepy. i'm so gna die young. woooooooo. i just love life.




when you act like nothing ever happened; i feel like i should feel bad.
when you need th hand; of another man.




`` brian < / 3 wmej


&& i'm starting t lose th drive i found; there's nothing left t say.


today is th day brian lin died.

cny was rather good. won quite a bit in gambling.woooo. spend quality time with friends and yeah old ties renewed; what a wonderful time.



damnn. i sooooooooooo gna gain weight. ate like a pig during cny but nvmd i shall resume my routine frm now onwards.




you are far; i'm never gonna be your star.
strange that i was wrong enough t think you'd love me too.
but i'll pick up th pieces and mend my heart.





these wounds won't seem t heal, this pain is just too real.
cause i only focus on th pain; th only thing thats real.

happy cny t everyone !


all that i do; comes back to you.




are things meant to turn out this way?
or did i took a few wrong turns?
will the star that i've been holding on to still shine?
or will it slowly fade away?
i guess i have only myself to blame.



&& i<3u

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah ! emocore mood have t be over soon. th temporary source of release is really costly. so costly that im on th verge of having problems t settle my meals everyday.ohwells.


now my whole body's like aching and i'm like having pains everywhere. perhaps i might have overworked myself or smth. but i'm still gna preservere and carry on with my programme.


past 2 days of school was enjoyable yet tiring. all th nonsense we did in class. i did nt have th mood t go school. i was practically dragging myself t school everyday. somehow i lost th 'brian lin' in me and i'm like zombie now. i have no idea what i wna blog already. i'm soooooo gna have a mental breakdown soon. it hurts so much that it surpasses physical pain.



now look where you are; you're in my heart


&& now i don't know what to do, or rather; there's nothing i can do

wooooooooo.2nd night without sleep. i love it. i'm like shagged t th max.but somehow i just cant get t sleep.

i've been constantly dosing off in class. and thats not GOOD? this is supposed t be a term that i aim fr straight As and i'm sleeping in class.okay i'm gna stop this nonsense and put 110% concentration in class from next week onwards.fresh week t a fresh start.hopefully it happens or else i'm screwed.ohwells i think i've gotta stop my emocore activities soon.real soon.5 packs 1 day; gosh i'm so gna die young. woooooooooo i love it.

past 2 days i covered 17km in jogging and 250 sit-ups. i dont even noe how i did it but i just did it. maybe it was perserverance; maybe it was something else. i dont know why am i pushing myself so hard t achieve this target.ohwells anws it was time that i did something about my weight.heh. c'mon 85 by mid-feb !

it really hurts; and it hurts real real baddd.i was so foolish t think that maybe for one second you actually cared.i just hope to sleep and never awaken. nothing left in this world could replace what you have taken.

i'm trying my hardest; and the hardest part is letting go

ahhhhh. just came back from work. wooooo shagged t th max.


woke up at 430am fr my jogging routine, came back around 530 took a shower and then a slow walk towards th mrt. it was like one hour but i seemed like 5mins. was thinking alot during this one hour. or rather i've been thinking too much th past few weeks. reached bukit batok @ around 745 took another 30mins t walk frm th mrt to th coffeeshop. had a good nice cup of coffee and went fr pract. was bored t th max and got released from school @ 11am. had lunch and slack fr quite a bit and headed t work. it was massively tiring and i dont even feel like mentining it lol.



you don't understand how much your words stay in my head.



ahhhh i guess i shall stop here. good night; goodbye



things would be so much easier; if i could forget everything.

its almost 3.00am ! i only have another 3 more hours t sleep cause i have work and i do not know why i'm still here blogging.


today was fine; just 'oh so fine'. went t deliver oranges and met a security guard. he started shouting at me and using profanities at me. i tolerated him 3 times and he went over my limit and i blew up. i was just thattttt close t releasing all th anger on him. my god i was over th top and he still went on and on and on. i turned back and gave him a piece of my mind and he called th police?lol. he wanted t report t th police because i verbally abused him i was like 'please use my phone t call th police, i'm so scared' after that th driver helped and played th role as a mediator and solved th problem. i sooooo hope th police came.ohwells. bad day.


i'm beginning t regain my old self; someone that i don't wna see again. i seem t lose my cool very easily especially th past few weeks. which is not good in a wee bit? i do not know what has happened t me. i think i'm losing it and sooner or later its gna go out of hand. i dont wan th old brian but neither do i wan th brian now. either it's an emocore brian or an angry brian. but i wan neither of them. who am i or who i am? life is just full of contradictions. one moment people can be th best of friends; and another moment become th worst of enemies. now i'm back t th question of do we live to die; or rather die to live? so many thoughts so little to type. ARGHHHH. i'm really on th verge of going berserk.



i talk t me; but you can't hear th pain i feel.


aights i shall stop here today. i shall go fr a night jog and then shower and head t bed.

truth is relative; not absolute

&& <3jolynn

it's so fast and th first week of school had passed. enjoyable but lessons are boringggg. 3 packs one day. sigh. i think i should quit. i'm running out of cash and that completely sucks? without ciggies i have no idea where else can i get my release?


i've really got so much that i want t say; but i just can't seem t get th words typed out. this feeling completely sucks.




&& sadly i just can't seem t forget you; and th worst part is i'm still loving you.

i dont know what i'm doing; it's been a long while ever since i was in th lost state. there's really so much t say but so little to type. this sweet madness is just getting out of control. i'm feeling gooooooooooooooooooooooooooood now. i just realised i spent $320 just on ciggies th past 2 1/2 weeks. emocore sessions are too costly =((( ohwells gotta save money so that i can get my temporary release.





and yes ah i lost weight ! wooooooooooo. 105-94. thats 11kgs. wooooooo.







i guess this term will be a term that i completely bury myself with school work and my gymming routine. i dont even know is this a motivation or is this a form of escaping. maybe i really need this sweet escape; but how long can i run away? i need some form of release and unfortunately i still have not found it.











your lies; my alibis

it has always been a dream and will always be one; that never comes true.

emocore mood. wooooooooo. 6th day without sleep im going crazy ! wooooooooooooooo !




i'm damn tired now but i dont feel like sleeping just yet.ohwells.



school was sort of enjoyable once again. got back th same old clique and th same old fun. woooo !
but th next 3 months are going t be 3 very short months and all of us will go our seperate ways from then. i hope th next 3 months is going t past very slowly.aiyoh. idk la. let nature takes its course


massive amount of thoughts are still in my head. emocore mood is really gooooooooooood !i think i gotta sleep it off cause school started already =((



ohwells shall stop here and head t bed.

no matter what i do, all think about; is you.


i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all my childish fears
and if you have to leave,i wish that you would just leave
cause your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone
these wounds won't seem to heal;this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
you used to captivate me by your resonating light
now I'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away; all the sanity in me


夜里有风,风里有我,我拥有什么?
云跟风说,风跟我说,我能向谁说?
不想从前,不谈未来,我为谁等待?
不要你懂,不怕人说,让爱随风沉默
为你付出着一切;如今换来你的反背
从今以后甭相找;是你害我这呢狼狈
除了想你,除了爱你,我什么什么都愿意
翻开日记整理心情我真的真的想放弃
你始终没有爱过,你在敷衍我; 一次一次忽略我的感受
我真的感到力不从心;无力继续
这感情;不值得我犹豫
不值得我考虑;不值得我爱过你
这种回忆;不值得我提起
不值得想起;不值得哭泣
这段感情;早就应该放弃
早就不该让我浪费时间找奇迹
这样的你;不值得我恨你
不值得我为你而坏了心情
我决定不为你而毁了心;放弃爱你.




we're getting further away; from what we never had.



&& afterall it never ever meant anything to you.

just like a star across my sky, like an angel off the page
you have appeared to my life
feel like i'll never be the same
just like a song in my heart; honoured to love you
you've got this look i can't describe, you make me feel like i'm alive
blowing out my mind, i have come to understand
the way it is, it's not a secret anymore

all of the things that i want to say just aren't coming out right
i'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning i don't know where to go from here
something about you now, i can't quite figure out
everything she does is beautiful; everything she does is right
because these words are never easier for me to say
but i guess that i can live without you; but without you i'll be miserable at best
you're all that i hoped
and everything i would give is everything you couldn't take
cause nothing feels like home, you're like a thousand miles away
and the hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay
and i've reached the point that i think i should leave you alone




because i know i'm good for something. i just haven't found it yet; but i need it

enjoyed th new year's in a way or another. th old ties got renewed and its good seeing old faces again. love those times we had fun together.


woooooooo. i just got dota back on my comp; which means once again i'll have no life and dota my life away ! hopefully dota can brainwash me cause there are so many damn thoughts on my mind now which i can't get rid of and can't stop thinking of. woooooooooooo ! I LOVE DOTA !


&& i only hoped that i don't love you like i did yesterday. but i just can't.


all of my regret will wash away some how; but i can not forget the way i feel right now

brian lin shixian, 21051990 acs junior,acs barker, SHATEC DCS 408B !
dota,sports,cooking,slacking,stoning


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