Friday, February 29, 2008 @11:47 PM
hi all im bak into blogging.emo emo time.
well shall start wif my beloved ahkong,i really still miss him.everytime i dunno why wen i dont do anything i will think of him.i really miss him like fuck.i never ever wanted him to go.he was such a good man.such a good ahkong!i really wan him bak but its never gna be possible,i miss all th times tht we watched tv together,all th time tht he woke me up to ask me to go eat,all th times tht he comforted me wen i got scolded by my parents or sister.n many other things.i was never a good grandson to him a good grandfather.even wen he was bedridden in th hospital,wen i never visited him he wuld ask my mother whether i ate oredy or not.
i feel so fucking bad.tht i never ever treasured him.wen he was still around i wuld always scold him for giving tht useless son of his money.now wen hes gone i feel so fucking bad for scolding him.ive always wanted to bring him out to fish one day but tht day never came.it never ever fucking came.i never expected him to leave so fast n always said 'next time den bring him go'now i will never ever get a chance to bring him to go fishing.
everytime wen he asked me whether i wanted to go my uncle's hse i wuld say no cuz i dun enjoy going to his house anymore i wuld just tel him next tine next time.now wen hes gone i so very much want him to ask me whether i wan to go his house.many times he asked me to go lunch wif him i wuld say im going out n i just go out.now i so fucking regret th times i did that.im such a fucking cb,i never really did th things he wanted t do.now tht hes gone,i feel tht my room is so empty without him. im not used to some1 waking me up to eat breakfast,to wake up for school.i feel tht ive failed miserably as a grandson.
ive always wanted him to stay til at least wen i get my first proper job n enjoy th success of my life.but tis day oso never came.deep inside i feel down everyday but no1 noes tht i feel tis way.i really wan to talk to someone1 but i never get a chance to or rather im just too afraid to.even till now i didnt really talk to any1 about tis matter yet.sometimes i feel empty inside.everytime i wanted to go out my grandfather wuld ask me whether i have enough money or whether have i eaten.no1 will noe th pain i feel inside me now.i feel sad n angry at th same time.sometimes i really feel like committing suicide for failing my grandfather.
but i nvr didnhave th courage t do tht. no1 absolutely no1 can replace tis grandfather of mine i really hope tht does come bak one day give me a visit.there was one day i heard somebody coughing,it sounded much alike my grandpa's cough so i rushed into my room n see whether he was really there or wad.but wen i got there there was no one in th room.i was lying t myself thinking tht he was bak.sometimes i really do miss him like fuck.
everytime wen im alone i wuld just stay lay down on my bed n see his photos n just cry.i nvr wanted him t leave but now its just too late.its just too late t apologise. too late t do anything. fuck th world.nth's ever fucking fair.fuck all this shit.im never ever gna believe tht theres a hope in life every again.
im gna stop blogging here today.
im getting damn ()&(*&)*(^(*&^*&KLJIOU)(J)
ciaoboats.
