Tuesday, July 24, 2007 @6:25 PM
FUCK RAINY DAYS !
today's one of the most fucked up days of tis yr.my grandfather slip n fell down because of the slippery floor, thus causing him t break his hip-bone.he fell outside th cc.he went out actually t buy food fr me=(i shudnt hv fucking let him go.a stranger wrote a note n left it outside th door of my hse.den my mother woke me up n told me my grandfather fell down.i was like omg.so my mother and i rushed t th hospital.
we went to the a&e n yeah my grandfather was there.i wanted t rush in t go and see hws he doing.den th fucking nurse said tht only one person can go in at one time.i was like omfg.FUCK CHANGI GENERAL HOSPITAL.n i read th sign outside it said tht only 2 ppl are allowed in th a&e ward at one time.i was like wtf.den aft tht he was shifted t another department.finally i got t see him.i culd see he was in great pain.=((
aft tht he was admitted into th wards n yeah he was juz lying down.he couldnt even get up.i felt fucking guilty.fucking fucking guilty.so aft tht i stayed fr awhile to see wad th doctor had t say.n th said tht we hav t wait till th senior doctor t come give my grandfather a thorough check-up den they can see whether he is suitable fr th operation.aft tht i went home wif my sis n aft tht my sis told me nt t go bak n stay at home t rest cause i barely had an hour of sleep.so yeah i laid on my bed n kept thinking abt my grandfather.he cant eat or drink because th doctors said tht they had t wait fr th senior doctor t come see whether he can do an op before he can eat or even drink water.
i woke up n yeah first thing tht came into my mind was t call my sis t ask my grandfather hw was he.bt both my sis n brotherinlaw didnt pick up so i called my mom.den she said tht my grandfather had t go through a series of tests before he can do an operation n he had t wait 1-2hours before th test could be done.i was wtf.so yeah aft tht im here blogging.blogged fr awhile my sister called me t ask whether i called her den i was like yeah i called u.den she told me th same thing as wad my mother told me.aft tht she said tht ah kong is feeling very tired,hungry n he wants t take a piss bt cant piss anything out.wen i heard tht i was fucking sad.very fucking sad.den i requested t talk t my grandfather.he sounded so weak.tht made me feel very guilty and sad at th same time.i told him t nt move arnd too much in case he might injure himself during th process or wad.so yeah.
it fucking hurts me t see him in such pain n fucking hell he fell indirectly because of me.
i feel fucking guilty causing his fall n i feel like killing myself.it fucking sucks t see him in hospital i nvr ever wanted him t be admitted into th hospital.nowadays hes walking quite unsteabily.i fucking hate myself fr nt helping him go buy th food.i fucking regret it now.FUCK !i fucking love my grandfather n i dun wna see him hurt at all.hes been taking care of me since i was born.everytime i was at home in th morning he wuld ask me whether i wanted t eat n go out t buy food fr me.even though his down t his last $2 he wuld go out n spend th money FOR ME!wen i had no money he wuld giv me money t spend.wen i had no cigarettes he wuld buy fr me one pack.why th fuck must this happen t him !i really regretted nt waking up tis morning t buy or even to accompany him t buy.i fucking feel damn sad n guilty.theres a fucking kind of pain in my mind tht i can never desribe.its nt physically bt mentally.im really sry ah kong really really sorry.i swear i'll never let u walk alone again if im at home or wad.
i'm sorry ah kong,and i really love u.
thts all fr today.
-bye
