Saturday, December 02, 2006 @11:43 PM
saturday.
okays havent been posting th past few days.so yeah shall write wd has happened.
thursday.ok i expected my mom t wake me up in th morning t go t th stall wif her bt yeah she didnt again.guess she's really pissed off.so yeah woke up arnd 3 plus stoned n yeah stoned there fr tht few hrs.dunno wd t do.so yeah thinking abt th past,present n yeah th future.had alot of thoughts goin through my mind.so yeah anda n sis came home n yeah ordered pizza.after a while my mom came home.she was vomiting like hell bt yeah i didnt noe hw t go n approach her.so yeah juz heard her vomiting n vomiting in my heart i feel a very deep pain bt yeah i dunno why at th point of time i juz culd sit there n do nth.den after tht my sister came into room shouted at me n scolded me fr nt goin out t help my mom or at least show concern fr her wen she was vomiting.after tht my sis stormed outta th hse n my broinlaw chased after her.aft awhile they came bak n my sis asked me again why i didnt go out n comfort her wen she was vomiting.i culd only say i dunno cuz i really dunno hw t communicate wif her.everything i say seems t be wrong. i noe tht i wan t show concern fr her bt was afraid tht she was stil angry.no doubt my mom had say things tht hurt me bt shes stil my mom after all.n she scolded me n scolded me.i really dunno where or wad can i go or head t nw.it seems like every little thing i do seems t be wrong.i feel damn useless n yeah.thinking of wd th things my sister said n wad my mom said really sets me into tears.i culd only hide myself in my room n cry quietly.juz den dom called n yeah tried t comfort me bt yeah didnt wan t trouble him n yeah told him i was okay.so i told jiayi t cal my hp so tht i culd solve their differences n yeah.bt it seems t no avail,dom in one hand is okay wif anything bt den again he says he cant be fucked wif wad she says.jiayi on th other hand cant or dunno wd t do,ask her if she culd forgive anot she kept saying no.so yeah concluded tht i oso cant do anything more t help n yeah she had t go n yeah talked t dom over th phone fr awhile.i oso duno wd had happened between these two very good frens.over one matter ONE matter they juz end their friendship like tis.aiyah i oso dunno la.they can do wadever they wan la bt i had oredy tried my best n yeah hope tht they culd be as close as last time or at least FRIENDS.after tht shaun chua called,well well finally after a few months finally talked t tis bugger here.he seems th same,his laughter n all.felt really good talking t him after a long time.although tis guy had dissappointed me a few times bt stil i really do regard him as a younger brother.so we talked cock whole night n yeah it was a hell lotta fun,did alot of things n yeah it was juz FUN.after shaun hanged up called ter fr dota bt yeah he didnt wan t so yeah talked cock fr awhile n left th phone there cuz i culdnt tank n yeah wen t sleep.FRIEDday.woke up arnd 11 plus n yeah called keith cuz he said he wanted t meet up b4 rugby traning.den tht bugger wait wait wait wait til 12 plus den he said he wasnt going cuz he was sick.sian1/2.den called elton t confirm th timing of training. n yeah so bathed n chionged outta hse cuz i was going t be late.so yeah took a bus t newton n yeah met elton there den took a cab to police academy.so saw all those sec1-3s.they looked damn fucking sialan n yeah.so nvm prepared fr training n yeah th coaches arrived.coach damien n other two young guys.didnt like their face at first bt yeah trained a little n found tht they were quite nice ppl.so training started arnd 230 n yeah did drills,a little conditioning n had a friendly match against each other.played abit found it quite fun bt tiring.keep having t go up n run here run there.fucking tiring bt yeah since i had interest so yeah juz tanked n tanked.after th mini-match had t do figure-8,do like 4 rnds my leg cant tank den phaaap kena cramp.hahah must be after a long time nvr exercise thts why tis happens.so yeah took a break,streched n tried continue running bt th cramps kept coming bak.den yeah after all tht shit did warm-down n yeah training FINALLY ended.after training wen t shaun's hse t slack jack fr awhile wif casey.talked wif him a little n yeah had quite a good time.bt yeah his time was limited n yeah he had t go home after awhile.so casey n i talked fr awhile downstairs shaun's hse after he wen up.had a little talk n yeah.so yeah at least got a little of my mind bt stil yeah i stil feel like fuck.n yeah afr talking fr awhile wen t his father's shop t cut hair.cuz oredy den slacked abit n yeah decided t hv dinner wif casey n hes parents.so yeah makanded n wen t his hse t slack fr awhile.i tot arnd tht time my mom wuld cal me bt til den she hasnt so i think she has oredy given up hope on me oredy.so yeah slacked til like 11 plus den wanted t go home den casey n greg both asked me whether i wanted t go alexchan's hse t stay,was quite hesitant bt after awhile yeah wen there wif them.so yeah wen there den his dog's were like barking like mad la.n yeah all of us were quite terrified.hahah den we triend t siam t dogs.bt it was fucking merepe la.so yeah wen in wen into a room slacked.den greg asked alex t beatbox.den he made some noises n yeah i culdnt tank n burst out in laughter,greg's facial expression was fucking stupid la.so yeah had quite a fun time n we watched movies,played mahjong,dota.den arnd 5 plus greg n casey knockouted n wen t bed.so alex n i were down there looking at some beatboxing performances n it was quite good.so yeah arnd 7 plus i wen t bathe n alex phaaaap go sleep.so i was left alone n yeah i played dota til like 10 plus n i culdnt tank n wen t sleep.was trying t find a place t sleep bt yeah culdnt n slept on th floor in th room,den phaaap it was too cold n found a chair outside his room n wen there t sleep.TODAY.so yeah after tht few hrs of sleep which i didnt really enjoy cuz some voices keep waking me up.so yeah woked up arnd 1 plus,slacked fr awhile den yeah had lunch.wah his maid gt some kong maggi mee la,th soup was fucking nice n yeah after lunch we watched th longest yard,den halfway th grandfather came bak n yeah we had t stop so we wen bak up t his room.after tht we slacked n slacked dota here n there,talk cock n yeah xianwen n jia came.so after awhile we wen t swim n after dinner bathed had dinner n slacked watched soccer match n played dota.so all of us left arnd 10 plus n yeah im here blogging.so yeah ok finally completed wad i had been doin th past few days.after all these fucking while.yeah i stil fucking like her.its really really quite i oso dunno hw t say la.i dunno it seems like so many ppl likes her too n yeah those ppl are better choices than me.i really hope tht i culd be th one fr her n yeah take care of her bt i noe tht i wuldnt even hav a chance..so i try wen i can t talk t her n giv her my advice.i wan t cared fr her bt i oso dunno hw t.it seems really awkard wen i try t do something like tht.no doubt i may nt be together wif her nw bt stil i wuld wna see her happy n thts all.really thts all.after all these while i come t realise tht wad i had been doing all along is wrong t my family.be it helping my mom out at th stall or giving more than half of wad i hav or having t sacrifice time t juz to something fr them.isit tht im really tht useless?i really wonder real hard.nth i do nowadays seems t be right.every1 keeps scolding me n picking at me at th slightest mistake i do.isit really tht hard fr me t help out my family?isit really tht hard tht they hv such a incompetent n useless son/bro/broinlaw like me?yalah everything i do is wrong la.wadever things they do is correct la.i really giv up oredy.i oso dunno man.it seems like as days goes by it gets harder n harder fr me t communicate wif my family.isit really tht hard?i oso dunno la.i try my best t help n they say i dun giv a shit n they say tht im "this" n im "that".hah.i oso dunno why im here nw la.if they find me so useless why not they can juz fucking kick tis useless,incompetent n stupid family member outta th hse.hahah.i shall stop here today.i oso dunno wad i can write.i got alotta thinking t do nw so yeah.ciaoboats!-briann'
