sian damn long nvr blog.wanted t blog at casey's hse bt phaaaap his internet explorer kept fucking up so yeah.



ok so lets start wif thurs


thurs

basically stayed home th whole day watched movies slack n had some deep thoughts.was quite somehow meaningful day bt yeah.so yeah watched windstruck n teared cuz th movie was quite touching.den yeah slacked slacked watched movie n yeah.den msned til like 11 plus den casey asked me whether i wna go fishing class wif him so yalah ive gt nth t do n yeah i wna spend more time wif my frens so yeah wen t his hse.chionged fr th last bus n yeah reached casey's hse.yat was oso there n yeah casey had t stay home n accompany his mom so greg,yatty n their father wen changi den casey n i slacked jacked.casey den wen t sleep den i ATTEMPTED t blog at casey's hse bt phaaaap keept getting some fucked up error frm IE den fuck it gave up n den d/led o2jam n play til like 6 plus den his father came n pick us up.



fri.


so we chionged t changi makaned breakfast den saw BAPOKS.wah cb fucking hell early morning kena tis kind of thing.hahahah.makan nasi lemak i was fucking good n yeah.so after tht wen t changi beach club there,greg they all knockout oredy.hahah all sleeping arnd den they woke up den makan den wen bak t slp haha.arnd 9 plus th kids came.hahah they are damn cute la.fucking funny so taught them hw t crab n shit.did tht til like 1 plus 2 den wen t th hawker center t makan lunch.after tht wen t training,me n xw were fucking late la.den phaaaap tio physical,sian 1/2.hahah gotta say my stamina fucking sucks.after training wen t town t meet casey n th rest at monster cue played a few games of pool den wen t slackden wen dome meet t go see th rest.played o2 jam den wen t bali hse t meet cam n ter.ter treated me a jug hw nice of him.heheh.at bali hse casey was behaving abnormally was quite worried fr him.well anws wen home after tht felt quite fucked up too.reached home bathed msned fr awhile den cant tank den wen t slp.


sat.woke up like at 1 plus den called ppl here n there t go out den phaaap most ppl stil sleeping or working.after tht arnd 4 plus casey called back den we decided t go alex's hse.delayed here n there den arnd 730 plus we reached his hse.dinner was gd n yeah quite a lotta funny things happened there.after tht we did th usual things we normally do n wen up slacked tok cock n played wif his ps3.it only hd one game bt it was quite fun hahah.after tht was deciding wheetyher t go home or not den phaaaap decided fr a stayover den asking was successful!stayed over den everybody knockout arnd 3 plus.so i was at his comp playing dota n o2jam!heh.did tht til like th morning arnd 8 plus den cant tank den phaaaap slept.i swear his air-con is fucking cold la,was like freezing n yeah.


sunday.

woke up at like arnd 11 plus,slacked den left his hse n wen t town.xw wanted t makan lunch den phaaaap after tht nvr n he wen home.so casey n i had some talks n yeah it was quite ermmmm hw t say.hahah i oso dunno hw t say.after tht wen t monster t play pool den wen t th footcourt t makan n casey kena cheated,wtf la one plate of indian rice 7 dollars.after tht wen t dome played 1v1s den phaaaap zhaoboat.den wen meridien talk again,talked til like 6 plus den wen home cuz my mother was quite worried so yeah.on th way home had alotta thoughts going through my brain n yeah.reached home,bathed den msned.after tht talked on th phone wif shaun n casey den phaaap talk t shaun den cant tank den wen t sleep.

today.woke up den yeah decided t blog n its like 5 more hrs t my result.feeling quite sian n nervous dunno whether am i gna hv one more yr in barker or wd.hope fr th best n expect th worse.



well fr th girl i like i oso hv alotta mixed feelings.i like her alot bt stil aiyah.i oso dunno.hoping fr th best n expecting th worse la.i dunno why do i like her so much,maybe its juz something wrong wif me.its like without fail almost every hour i wuld think of her.its damn stupid la i wna erase tis kind of thoughts frm my brain.i dunno why tis girl outta so many girls hv been on my mind fr th longest time.sounds retarded bt yeah.kinda wna get together wif her bt kinda dun wan oso.dunno why bt yeah i hv my reasons.hv many thoughts gg through my mind nw.i myself dunno why i like her so much.haiz.


well well so fast 18th of december has come.didnt expect it t arrive so fast.2 months again i stil tot it was a damn long time bt within a flash its oredy th day i hv t collect my results.thinking abt it its quite sian n yeah.thinking abt tht we hv t split up its really quite fucked up.really hope tis dun happen!i dun wan our grp t split up.if i were t leave barker today i wuld miss all th times i enjoyed wif them be it inside skul or outside,all th prank calls we made,stupid stuff we do.good or bad times.bt facts are facts n we gotta move on.i noe thts nt gg t be possible bt i stil hope fr it.thinking abt leaving my frens really makes me tear.im like crying while im typing tis.cant really t leave my frens bt stil.well its another 5 more hrs n yeah juz gotta wait til tht time t come.

okays hellos didnt noe wd t write juz nw n yeah gna post nw.



so yeah listened music n slacked til like 1 plus den wanted t go meet greg den phaaaap dun nd oredy so after tht slacked again watched some videos .den after tht watched some movies n casey cant tank n wen t sleep.after like 30mins i oso cant tank n oso wen t sleep.after tht woke up like 9 plus den makaned dinner den sent casey off n yeah bak here.



so yeah thinking abt it long n hard really really long n hard these past few wks.although i hv oredy made up my mind bt i stil dunno why i stil like her so much.isit juz tht im despo or wd?i really wan t control my feelings bt i cant.its like everytime i try nt t tink of her n suddenly she wuld juz pop-out in my mind.its damn silly n i wna erase tht kind of thoughts.having many stupid dreams n yeah thinking tht we culd be together.wishing i culd be th one taking care of her bt stil noeing its nt going t be fucking possible.wen wil these kind of thoughts get outta my head?!its damn silly of me t post abt tis bt if i dun i oso hv no where else t let it out so yeah.


so fast december 18th 2006 is approaching.fr some of us it may be th last yr in barker.n i tink im one of them.thinking abt tht times we misbehave in class n all th fun really brings back fond memories.sometimes i wish tht all of us can juz make it bt yeah tht wuldnt be possible.all of th times we had be it quarrels,arguments,leparking,playing lan,fishing etc all of em has a differnt memories t be remember.stupid things tht happened tht made of us laugh n as together as a grp.i dun wan tis t be th last yr i hv in barker bt i dun tink i wil make it n yeah.thinking of all these memories really makes me feel damn sad cuz tht thought of us splitting up is damn sad.im sure all these times we had be it good or bad wil be etched deeply in our memories n i hope tht after monday we'll stil be as close as nw or even better closer.


alriteys i shall stop here gotta do some thinking.


tk care all.


-briann'

havent been blogging th past few days.quite tired n yeah hv been quite busy wif some stuff so yeah shall post nw cuz i juz came bak frm th chalet.


monday.

alriteys woke up at like 7 bathed den wen t my mom's stall did th same things n yeah.left her stall arnd 1 den took a bus t police academy.den phaaaap alighted at th wrong bus-stop den walked th wrong way.hahah den took another bus t th correct entrance n yeah saw th ruggers there.so yeah xw n helmy oso came fr training after much persuasion hahah.so yeah trained here n there den training ended arnd 4 plus.so wen town t meet casey n shaun at meridien.finally saw shaun chua tht bugger.stil hasnt changed much n hes stil his old self.den slacked fr awhile den cheng,zaad n nickloh left.so we talk cock den aftr tht wen t hotel lobby fr awhile den we left fr home.so yeah helmy casey n shaun followed me home n we slacked fr awhile den helmy left den arnd 8 plus 9 we wen t th chalet.

reached there found th chalet fucking miserable bt stil acceptable.so yeah slacked n slacked talk cock played cards n yeah.didn some card readings fr ppl n yeah.after tht casey shaun n i had a talk regarding some things.was quite a short time bt yeah.casey was quite down cuz of some matters n culdnt really help him.so we talked cock n talked cock den i slept fr like 30mins den woke up n left fr rugby.


tuesday.

left fr rugby n yeah met helmy at th mrt n we wen straight t acsi.so yeah aj was there alone n soon after tht th team came.so after some warm-up n stuff th match started.at th second minute we scored a try bt unfortunately we missed th conversion.n den acsi scored like 5 mins b4 half-time n they were leading 7-5.second half i wen in n yeah played.th acsi fuckers played fucking dirty bt hahahah i oso played dirty.so yeah aftr tht my boots tore n asked coach t sub.coach den thought i was too tired or injured den didnt let me play.so i borrowed elton's boots n asked him whether i culd play again den he asked me t ask jon who i sub.den end up tht motherfucker didnt n yeah.so only played like 10mins.th referee was oso a motherfucker cb biased fuck.it was like a one-sided match cuz of th advantages he gave th acsi team.so yeah end up we lost th match 10-14.if we hadnt played conversions we wuld hv drawn.it was a good match n yeah we improved frm nyjc's game n played a much much better game. so after tht xw helmy n i wen t holland v t makan n after tht took a mrt home.wen home bathed den straightaway slept.so yeah slept frm like5 plus til seven.woke up there was like 10-20 missed calls den i was like oh jialat liao.hahah so after tht called helmy cuz he wanted t go t th chalet den he came my hse t slack n slacked t like 9 plus den wen t downtown east t meet xw.aft tht wen t th chalet n they were bbqing n yeah.after tht played cards again den celebrated donovan's n randall's bday.after tht th bbq screwed up big time n we had carbon sausages,chicken wings etc.hahah damn funny.jj all those decided t go walk walk bt i was too tired n didnt hv t mood t den yeah slept.


wed.

woke up washed up den yeah slacked den cleared up den checked out.so yeah wen home n casey is in my hse nw sleeping.n yeah im here blogging nth else i can really do.i shall blog tonight again n yeah.


things nw are quite fucked up n yeah somethings tht i cant really say bt its very fucked up.liking th girl so very much bt noeing its nt fucking possible.took a step out n yeah things are nt looking gd nw.sometimes i wish i culd kil myself cuz im too fucking stupid.aiyah wd t do.wish tht i can like stop liking her bt i cant juz seem to.time is wd i nd nw n yeah.gotta cool down n shit.


n lvls results is juz like 5 days away.im afraid i cant make it bt if i really cant i wuld oso hv t face it.somethings are also nt solved n its quite troubling.alrites i oso dunno wd t say gotta go do some self thinking again.

alriteys guys time t ciaoboats dunno wd t do nw.



tk care all.




-briann'

sunday.



hellos t one n all.so yeah nth t do nw so yeah im gna post.


today woke up at arnd 10 plus,called xw bt he didnt pick up cuz we were supposed t go casey's hse t watch movies.so yeah makaned breakfast.den after tht slacked n slacked den xw msged me den casey msged oso den yeah bathed den zhao t mrt t meet xw.after tht took a bus den phaaap wen i juz reached th interchange th bus tht we wanted t take juz left.so yeah waited n den wen t casey's hse.


wen we reached his hse we saw his grandmother,his auntie n uncle n his mom.so yeah wen into his room slacked fr awhile den watched meet th parents.watched fr awhile den phaaaaap casey had t go meet his uncle n we had t leave so we left fr kovan t meet jason.reached kovan we saw them in th car again n yeah luckily didnt do tht thing we do.hahah so we xw n i were makaning n waiting fr jason t come.was quited sian den we played a game of dota den some stupid games n wen fr dinner.aftr awhile jason left den yeah was wif xw n yeah waited fr him t finish eating so we culd go.so yeah we took a bus home den we were playing guessing th award winner game fr th star awards.

so after tht reached home den bathed den yeah wen on msn den had a cal frm cam den called casey t ask whether shaun was gg fr th chalet tmr so after tht he put me in a conference n yeah trouble started.i being my usual self,heard something tht i didnt like n yeah sorta scolded one of his classmates.so yeah after th he asked me t hang up n yeah called me.had a talk wif him n yeah found out somethings tht he didnt like n yeah it was sorta like a wake up cal.things hv really gone tht bad til tht he has t tok t me in such a manner n yeah gotta do some soul-searching.

i really do wna change my hot-tempered attitude n some other shit.bt i really do nt noe whr t start frm.i really did try t change bt maybe its juz nt visible enough.i really do hate my current self,nt bein able t control my anger n in other words my mouth.its quite fucking stupid,i noe very clear abt wd i hv t change bt i juz cant seem t.isit really th saying tht ure heart does wd ure head dun wna do?i keep telling myself i wna change bt i juz simply cant.it seems so hard fr me juz t let things go in one ear n come out of th other,i wuld hv t argue my fucking way out n yeah.its really quite senseless doing all these n yeah i hv realised it bt stil nth much seems t change abt my behaviour.i noe these few months i havent been my usual self n yeah i cant really seem t tolerate almost anything nowadays.i juz hv t get it outta my chest n yeah den i wuld feel better.i oso cant seem t let my anger out in other ways n ive gotta do all these stupid things.wd casey hv said t me made quite alotta sense n yeah im tryin t change bt den i oso dunno wd t do.i swear i wil change nt only fr casey's sake,bt oso fr my family,my frens n most importantly myself.no use putting up a fake act juz t show ppl tht ive "changed" or wd.wad i really wan t do nw is only fr myself.n i dun wan tis current me anymore.it really sucks,i wuld rather be my old-self n juz lepark over small things n nt make it big like wd im doin nowadays.casey mark my words i wil change.though talk is cheap bt im gna prove it t u i can do it!

so it goes on tht tis day i wna juz giv up n try stop liking her.its getting t nowhere,noeing tht it wont hv any outcome.sometimes i really do wna talk t her bt yeah i juz wna forget her n juz dao her or show her attitude.ive gotta admit i stil like her alot at tis point of time,bt stil facts are facts n yeah ive gotta face it.its gna take me sometime bt yeah i wuld.juz hope tht she wuld lead a happy life n yeah thts wd im juz asking fr.okays so yeah i do nt wan t comment any further cuz i oso wan t do some thinking.




so yeah im really try n come out as th old brian.frm tis day onwards i swear i wuld change.so yeah ive gotta do alot of thinking abt myself as a person,fren n family member.other things i oso need some time t think it over so yeah seeya guys til den.


nitenite=))


-briann'

fri.


hellos.didnt blog fr ytd cuz was too tired to so yeah.so yeah lets start wif thurs


thurs
morning wake up go market.den go another market den go mom's stall den wen fr rugby game at nanyang jc.so yeah reached there arnd 9 plus saw th team warming up n yeah.so after tht i oso warmed up n yeah.so match started n yeah had three 20-minutes half.den coach called me in n yeah i played!.hahah didnt expect t play bt yeah.so coach put me in 2nd row n yeah let th games begin.so throughout th match ive been kicking punching studding ppl.it was damn fun.den one time th referee saw me in action n wanted t red card me bt yeah after some kong talking he continued t match n let me play.nanyang was really trash n yeah.we only won by a try.coach was rather angry n yeah th whole team gt reprimanded so yeah.

after tht wen t casey's hse,waited like an hr til i can get him.den yeah slacked at his hse den was deciding whether t go out anot bt after tht we decided nt t.so yeah greg wen escape wif helmy n th rest.soon after his parents oso wen out so yeah.so we juz slacked jack tok cock n yeah.so after breaks here n there casey used th comp n yeah i was at first sitting on his bed den i started t lean against th wall den phaap lied down den slept.coulnt tank cuz i was damn tired.didnt really sleep well th past few wks.woke up saw him toking t his cousin den yeah slacked again den zhaoboat frm his hse.so yeah reached home bathed den watch tv den read book den slack den use msn.den talked on th phone fr awhile den phaaap zhaoboat go slp.


fri.

woke up bathed wen market den mom's stall den take a nap den do deliveries den hv lunch den th usual things.was learning hw t cook properly stil n yeah dom came fr awhile tok cock wif him den he ciaoboated den yeah continued t learn hw t cook n yeah.den did th usual things again den phaaap go home.wen home bathed wen online,tok on th phone den yeah here i am blogging nw.waiting fr terence t finish his game so tht cam can help me to my blog.hahah so yeah. den phaaap i tak boleh tank n go sleep liao.so yeah cam again didnt help me do my blog.sian.hahah.



so yeah hv been thinking abt it these few days.my minds kinda like in a whirl nw cuz i really dunno wad t do.its really damn merepe la.alotta things goin thru my mind nw.cant really seem t see thing properly.stil liking her bt yeah.i oso dunno la.sian



alrites today saturday woke up,bathed den fetched casey den wen town.slacked fr awhile here n there.played a few games of dota wen meridien slack.most ppl were in town n yeah.so arnd 9 plus everybody left den xw casey n i were talking some cock n yeah.so slacked til like 11 plus den wen home.reached home bathed den watched tv den yeah im here blogging.


so yeah thts basically hw my day passed.nth special juz ordinary n simple.n yeah im gna think over some things n yeah.n lvl results juz like 8 days away n yeah gotta admit im damn scared.alot things gotta think it through n yah.

stil thinking thru n yeah stil tinking.really la i like her la bt tak boleh chance sial.hahah.sian.nvm.




alrites time t ciaoboats.got some thinking i gotta do.so seeya.



-briann'

wed.


so yeah last nite stayed up all nite watch tv,watched champions league n journey t th west.hahah watch til like 6 plus den phaaap cant tank go sleep.wanted t take a short nap bt th short nap was a long sleep.


woke up at like 3 plus,saw a hell lotta missed calls n yeah.so after tht bathed n wen down t my mom's stall t help out.so took a cab reached there n ah chuan da-ge n ah meng da-ge were taking their afternoon naps.after tht leparked abit den did deliveries n yeah.came bak makaned served a few customers den phaaap go home oredy.

so yeah came home bathed den leparked den watch tv n yeah nw im here blogging.cuz nth better t do.


clinging on t things tht im nt supposed t its quite stupid.i hope i can really juz forget abt her nw bt thts going t be like almost impossible nw.we're like two worlds apart be it physically or mentally.i stil dunno why im clinging on bt yeah im stil clinging on t it.its kinda stupid n yeah sooner or later im gna come t my senses.so yeah im gna take a step at a time.yeah try n try.its gna be hard bt im gna try n tank it n go through it.so yeah.


things between my family hv change slightly fr th better.my mom's no longer angry at me n yeah.so i hope things wuld really improve step by step.i believe bit by bit things wuld improve n yeah we'll hopefully hv a better life.so yeah i juz gna look on n nt look bak anymore.


ive thought long n hard these few days.feel tht theres many things ive gotta change abt myself n especially as a family member.sometimes u really cant make it on ure own.n yeah nw ive gotta understand myself better.nw im really trying hard t change myself.although its almost an impossible target bt stil im gna try.im gna try scale targets tht ive nvr tried b4 n yeah try t make th best outta me in tis period of my life.although theres also many other problems ive gotta worry abt bt stil ive gotta face it.im wna come out as th old brian tht every1 used t noe.th happy-go-lucky guy.im noe its gna be a hard thing t do bt stil im gg t try do it.ive many bad points n nt any good points abt myself.gna learn frm my past mistakes n yeah try t improve frm there.im juz going try t change la.i noe saying its easy nt im gna change!soon u'll see th old brian back again guys!



so yeah tmr's gna be another brand new day.so im gna look forward t it n yeah.



tk care all.


ciaoboats.


-briann'

tuesday.


well started th day at like 1 plus,missed th rugby match cuz i overslept.was quite sick last nite so yeah.ermmmm really wanted t go fr th match bt my alarm didnt wake me up.quite fucked up.bt nvm thursday stil got another match so its ok.


so yeah woke up,washed up den yeah watched tv n makaned brunch.leparked til like 3 plus bathed den wen meet xw at mrt so we culd go alex's hse.so yeah on th way there talk cock den xw said go meet greg they all in town first.so yeah wen t PS first t look fr a mouthguard cuz keep getting whacked at th mouth area during training n im afraid my teeth wuld drop.hahah.so yeah walk here walk there den phaaaap cant find so yeah wen dome t meet casey n greg.

at dome saw quite a few ppl den stayed there fr awhile den left fr alex's hse.on th way there it was drizzling den phaaaaap heavy rain we reach his hse.so we asked him t open th gate fr us den wen we reached there we ran in.juz as we wen in alex's were getting umbrellas fr us bt too late.hahah we chionged den gt a little wet n yeah.so reached his hse dotaed a few games.quite fun n yeah wen t play a game called "in-between" wif greg,alex n xw n casey was playing dota.fucking hell at first i was like losing 5 bucks den phaaap win bak 20plus.was like damn happy la cuz if i didnt win i oso dunno hw sia..den time fr dinner,den yatty came.so yeah after dinner continued gambling bt tis time blackjack.so yeah won like another den in blackjack den phaaaap played in-between again den phaaap lost 5 den nvm.so yeah wen home like 20 plus richer cuz had t pay alex bak 10.


so yeah took a cab back home wif xw.on th way we were toking abt rugby n yeah.reached home like 11plus den bathed den tok cock on th phone fr awhile den nw nth better t do blog lor.


theres many things i wna say bt yeah i dunno hw t put it.th girl i like has quite alot of crap going on yeah thts quite fucked up.although noeing all tis shit i stil like sooo very fucking much.its quite fucked up la.i oso dunno hw nw la quite sian la.i noe myself tht i shud juz giv up bt i cant seem t do it.really damn cock la.til nw i stil can say i like her i like her n yeah i stil like her noeing tht i shud stop tis kind of thoughts.wads meant t be meant t be.i juz cant seem t let go of it.quite fucked up la.


was doing some soul-searching last nite.n yeah i stil cant really understand myself as a person.i cant even analyse myself properly.damn fucked up n yeah.i find many many flaws on myself n yeah.can accept it n wna change bt i noe i wont change.contraticting bt yes.stil dunno why im stil so fucking hot-tempered like nw.every little small thing i can get juz WOAH phaaap n yeah.its quite fucking stupid.i rather hv my old-self n it wuld make my day a better day.th way i tok t ppl nowadays are oso very sharp.i oso dunno why.i always ask myself 'wad hv i become' bt i cant seem t get th answer.its really quite fucked up la nw.i nw feel quite stupid,helpless,useless n oso hopeless.i really do wna change myself bt i dunno whr t start frm.theres like so many flaws in myself n i really dunno whr t start frm.sian1/2 la.aiyah hope i wuld sort tis out sooner or later la nt its going t be more fucked up as days go by.


alrites is time fr me t go nyeah.


ciaoboats

-briann.

tuesday.



yeah hi im blogging even though im having a fucking high fever n bad headache.ok nvm abt lets start wif my day.



so yeah was at alex's hse til like 1230 den wen home.talked wif him fr awhile.shared abit here n there n yeah.so yeah tok cock den took a cab home.den phaaaaap i suddenly i realised i left my keys at his hse den phaaaap kena locked out.so last nite got stuck outside my hse fr quite long like arnd 2 plus den managed t get in th hse.den yeah talk cock on th phone wif cam n ter den phaaap cant tank den 4 plus den go sleep.


arnd six plus i juz suddenly woke up n den like 5 secs later xw called.den i was like wtf 630 oredy?den yeah greg called den yatty msged den phaaap chiong packed stuff fr training den wen t xw hse t meet him so tht his father's culd fetch us t greg's hse.den wen reach greg's hse greg was ready t leave den phaaap chiong t marina.on th way there greg had some fakeshit singer cds.fucking funny la they way th sing.xw was like laughing all th way n yeah.830 we reached marina den picked jia up frm th mrt den go t th fishing pond.wah yat actually tanked th whole nite there alone.so yeah once we came he caught a fish.hahah.so yeah catched fishes den phaaap alot of funny things happened la.had quite alot of fun there bt yeah had t leave fr training.so yeah left arnd 1 plus n phaaap th bus came juz on time.hahah.

at 1350 i met keith n elton at newton so we culd go police academy together.so yeah wen fr training so one sialan kao.tis fucker kept fucking staring n yeah wanted t soot him bt yeah held back fr a moment.den yeah trained n trained n yeah training was quite slack today cuz tmr gt a match against nyjc n yeah.so we are perfecting our line-outs,rugs n yeah alotta shit.so after training called greg cuz we were supposed t go t alex's hse bt phaaaap he said go there damn sian n he was at junyat's hse.den nvm called alex ask him t pass me my keys n yeah zhaoboated n left fr town.

on th bus saw tht sialan kao again n yeah he stared again so yeah culdnt tank n wanted t soot him den keith kept stopping me saying tht we were a team n yeah.bt phaaaap fuck care him i stil wen t soot tht fucker n gave him a piece of my mind.den yeah tht shithead apologised n yeah reached town.reach town oredy saw th usual grp outside n yeah.slacked here n there den rematched dom cuz he was juz dulan tht he cant win me n yeah once again i won him.after tht wen t prata shop wif alexong,leonli n dom.after their makan they decided t go home den phaaap i was deciding whether i wanted t go home anot den yeah wen home cuz i was like having a fever.

reach home n realised tht there was new furniture in th hse.was quite happy t see tht scene bt stil i hav like alot of things tht i wan t say out bt juz cant say it out.so yeah bathed den layed down on my bed.so yeah after tht dom called n yeah talked t him fr awhile n yeah.nw yeah i hav nth better t do n yeah im blogging.



so yeah til nw even though so many shit im going through nw im stil liking her.its quite a stupid thing t do at such a time bt yeah.many things i wna say bt yeah juz cant really find where t start frm.its like all in bits n pieces.its really quite fucked up nw la.so many ppl liking her.n yeah its quite dumb continue liking her noeing tht it wuld lead t nowhere.tis feeling really sucks shit.

ive found tht im nt th old brian tht i used t be one year back.so many things has happened n yeah nw i oso dunno why i cant juz control myself or rather my anger.every little i wuld juz get worked up n yeah.nowadays im so hot-tempered tht i cant even control myself like hw i did last time.n yeah nowadays i can hardly find my old cheery n happy-go-lucky self.nw everything seems like very serious t me n yeah keep thinking of things th serious way n nt juz think of th leparker way tht i used t think last time.toked t casey b4 n yeah asked him whether had i change over th past few months.n he said tht i changed t become a more mature guy bt also a more hot-tempered guy.i dun find myself matured or wad cuz its juz a normal 16 yr old wuld react n yeah juz dunno why sometimes ppl juz cant think tht way.its like is juz take a small little spark n yeah i wuld get motherfucking worked up n most of th times act on th impulse.i oso dunno why,tis is really quite fucked up.sometimes i wonder t myself wad has caused tis change t me.i cant really show my real self infront of ppl n yeah.

til nw,my family cant exactly understand me.on th way home juz nw in th bus i had alot of thoughts going through my mind its juz tht i cant really sort it out.everything really seems like a fucking mess.its really quite fucked up tis feeling.n nw yeah i feel even more fucked up cuz im sick.bt if i dun release it on my blog i hv no where else t release it.two weeks frm nw is th collect of my n level results.i wonder everyday whr wuld i end up,i really dun wna fuck up bt chances of me doing so is great cuz i juz loose all my focus n my mind wuld juz black out.wad has done has been done so ive gotta see whether i can reap wad i sown.th relationship between my mother n i has oso gone fr th worse,nw she hardly even talks t me.even wen she sees me im like invisible t her n yeah.alotta shit going through my fucked up brain nw.i cant even analyse things properly at tis moment.tis is really fucking stupid.i oso dunno wad has caused tis major change in me.i really do wna change bt i dont noe hw t.it seems like everything i do wuld always fail n yeah


i gotta do some soul-searching n yeah shall stop here.




ciaoboats

-briann'

saturday.


okays havent been posting th past few days.so yeah shall write wd has happened.


thursday.ok i expected my mom t wake me up in th morning t go t th stall wif her bt yeah she didnt again.guess she's really pissed off.so yeah woke up arnd 3 plus stoned n yeah stoned there fr tht few hrs.dunno wd t do.so yeah thinking abt th past,present n yeah th future.had alot of thoughts goin through my mind.so yeah anda n sis came home n yeah ordered pizza.

after a while my mom came home.she was vomiting like hell bt yeah i didnt noe hw t go n approach her.so yeah juz heard her vomiting n vomiting in my heart i feel a very deep pain bt yeah i dunno why at th point of time i juz culd sit there n do nth.den after tht my sister came into room shouted at me n scolded me fr nt goin out t help my mom or at least show concern fr her wen she was vomiting.after tht my sis stormed outta th hse n my broinlaw chased after her.aft awhile they came bak n my sis asked me again why i didnt go out n comfort her wen she was vomiting.i culd only say i dunno cuz i really dunno hw t communicate wif her.everything i say seems t be wrong. i noe tht i wan t show concern fr her bt was afraid tht she was stil angry.no doubt my mom had say things tht hurt me bt shes stil my mom after all.n she scolded me n scolded me.i really dunno where or wad can i go or head t nw.it seems like every little thing i do seems t be wrong.i feel damn useless n yeah.thinking of wd th things my sister said n wad my mom said really sets me into tears.i culd only hide myself in my room n cry quietly.

juz den dom called n yeah tried t comfort me bt yeah didnt wan t trouble him n yeah told him i was okay.so i told jiayi t cal my hp so tht i culd solve their differences n yeah.bt it seems t no avail,dom in one hand is okay wif anything bt den again he says he cant be fucked wif wad she says.jiayi on th other hand cant or dunno wd t do,ask her if she culd forgive anot she kept saying no.so yeah concluded tht i oso cant do anything more t help n yeah she had t go n yeah talked t dom over th phone fr awhile.i oso duno wd had happened between these two very good frens.over one matter ONE matter they juz end their friendship like tis.aiyah i oso dunno la.they can do wadever they wan la bt i had oredy tried my best n yeah hope tht they culd be as close as last time or at least FRIENDS.

after tht shaun chua called,well well finally after a few months finally talked t tis bugger here.he seems th same,his laughter n all.felt really good talking t him after a long time.although tis guy had dissappointed me a few times bt stil i really do regard him as a younger brother.so we talked cock whole night n yeah it was a hell lotta fun,did alot of things n yeah it was juz FUN.after shaun hanged up called ter fr dota bt yeah he didnt wan t so yeah talked cock fr awhile n left th phone there cuz i culdnt tank n yeah wen t sleep.



FRIEDday.woke up arnd 11 plus n yeah called keith cuz he said he wanted t meet up b4 rugby traning.den tht bugger wait wait wait wait til 12 plus den he said he wasnt going cuz he was sick.sian1/2.den called elton t confirm th timing of training. n yeah so bathed n chionged outta hse cuz i was going t be late.so yeah took a bus t newton n yeah met elton there den took a cab to police academy.so saw all those sec1-3s.they looked damn fucking sialan n yeah.so nvm prepared fr training n yeah th coaches arrived.coach damien n other two young guys.didnt like their face at first bt yeah trained a little n found tht they were quite nice ppl.so training started arnd 230 n yeah did drills,a little conditioning n had a friendly match against each other.played abit found it quite fun bt tiring.keep having t go up n run here run there.fucking tiring bt yeah since i had interest so yeah juz tanked n tanked.after th mini-match had t do figure-8,do like 4 rnds my leg cant tank den phaaap kena cramp.hahah must be after a long time nvr exercise thts why tis happens.so yeah took a break,streched n tried continue running bt th cramps kept coming bak.den yeah after all tht shit did warm-down n yeah training FINALLY ended.

after training wen t shaun's hse t slack jack fr awhile wif casey.talked wif him a little n yeah had quite a good time.bt yeah his time was limited n yeah he had t go home after awhile.so casey n i talked fr awhile downstairs shaun's hse after he wen up.had a little talk n yeah.so yeah at least got a little of my mind bt stil yeah i stil feel like fuck.n yeah afr talking fr awhile wen t his father's shop t cut hair.cuz oredy den slacked abit n yeah decided t hv dinner wif casey n hes parents.so yeah makanded n wen t his hse t slack fr awhile.i tot arnd tht time my mom wuld cal me bt til den she hasnt so i think she has oredy given up hope on me oredy.so yeah slacked til like 11 plus den wanted t go home den casey n greg both asked me whether i wanted t go alexchan's hse t stay,was quite hesitant bt after awhile yeah wen there wif them.

so yeah wen there den his dog's were like barking like mad la.n yeah all of us were quite terrified.hahah den we triend t siam t dogs.bt it was fucking merepe la.so yeah wen in wen into a room slacked.den greg asked alex t beatbox.den he made some noises n yeah i culdnt tank n burst out in laughter,greg's facial expression was fucking stupid la.so yeah had quite a fun time n we watched movies,played mahjong,dota.den arnd 5 plus greg n casey knockouted n wen t bed.so alex n i were down there looking at some beatboxing performances n it was quite good.so yeah arnd 7 plus i wen t bathe n alex phaaaap go sleep.so i was left alone n yeah i played dota til like 10 plus n i culdnt tank n wen t sleep.was trying t find a place t sleep bt yeah culdnt n slept on th floor in th room,den phaaap it was too cold n found a chair outside his room n wen there t sleep.



TODAY.so yeah after tht few hrs of sleep which i didnt really enjoy cuz some voices keep waking me up.so yeah woked up arnd 1 plus,slacked fr awhile den yeah had lunch.wah his maid gt some kong maggi mee la,th soup was fucking nice n yeah after lunch we watched th longest yard,den halfway th grandfather came bak n yeah we had t stop so we wen bak up t his room.after tht we slacked n slacked dota here n there,talk cock n yeah xianwen n jia came.so after awhile we wen t swim n after dinner bathed had dinner n slacked watched soccer match n played dota.so all of us left arnd 10 plus n yeah im here blogging.so yeah ok finally completed wad i had been doin th past few days.



after all these fucking while.yeah i stil fucking like her.its really really quite i oso dunno hw t say la.i dunno it seems like so many ppl likes her too n yeah those ppl are better choices than me.i really hope tht i culd be th one fr her n yeah take care of her bt i noe tht i wuldnt even hav a chance..so i try wen i can t talk t her n giv her my advice.i wan t cared fr her bt i oso dunno hw t.it seems really awkard wen i try t do something like tht.no doubt i may nt be together wif her nw bt stil i wuld wna see her happy n thts all.really thts all.


after all these while i come t realise tht wad i had been doing all along is wrong t my family.be it helping my mom out at th stall or giving more than half of wad i hav or having t sacrifice time t juz to something fr them.isit tht im really tht useless?i really wonder real hard.nth i do nowadays seems t be right.every1 keeps scolding me n picking at me at th slightest mistake i do.isit really tht hard fr me t help out my family?isit really tht hard tht they hv such a incompetent n useless son/bro/broinlaw like me?yalah everything i do is wrong la.wadever things they do is correct la.i really giv up oredy.i oso dunno man.it seems like as days goes by it gets harder n harder fr me t communicate wif my family.isit really tht hard?i oso dunno la.i try my best t help n they say i dun giv a shit n they say tht im "this" n im "that".hah.i oso dunno why im here nw la.if they find me so useless why not they can juz fucking kick tis useless,incompetent n stupid family member outta th hse.hahah.



i shall stop here today.i oso dunno wad i can write.i got alotta thinking t do nw so yeah.


ciaoboats!

-briann'

brian lin shixian, 21051990 acs junior,acs barker, SHATEC DCS 408B !
dota,sports,cooking,slacking,stoning


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