Wednesday, September 06, 2006 @12:24 AM
startin of my n's,endin of my life.
monday marks th first day of my n's.rather sian1/2. ok was supposed t meet xw n jia bt i was late by 2 trains so nvr.long journeys sumtimes really make me hav a headache.den wen i reached skul i saw every1 discussing abt th letter writin format.after a while we wen in t th exam hall.wen th exam started i saw th chinese paper it was relatively easy t write.bt thts onli for th compo n letter writin.after th first paper we had a small break den onli th snacks stall was open so we bought food frm them.they rip ppl off their money.den wen th second paper came it was quite hard.im really scared tht i cant make it.
after th papers i wen t fareast wif jia they all.i pierced my ear too.hahah.after tht we went our seperate ways.den i wen dome n had a game of dota.me casey zaad n cheng vs eddie marcus ken n leng.it was a fair match.we gt owned in th start n i tot we were gg t lose.bt clash after clash we were winnin n by luck we won tht game.den i went t slack jack arnd n den wen home.
wen i reached hm i felt tht i was quite tired bt i didnt wna slp.so i decided t tank.den it was a bad nite cuz had some arguments here n there wif ppl.den i tanked bt i forgot t update my blog.
after tht i forgot abt th time n i was late for skul today. den i rushed outta hse n luckily i made it on time for th listenin compre.listen compre was relatively easy den after tht i wen t dome t play dota.me elvin n ivan vs battle.net ppl.dey were noobs la.hahah.den wen we were abt t leave dome zaad alex marcus cheng ken n kc appeared.den after tht wen we were in barker all of us were doin last minute revision.den after tht ss paper started.luckily th topics i studied came out.was quite relieved bt it was relatively hard.coulnt really concentrate on th paper.had other things gg on in my mind.den i wen dome n spectated a match,leng ken marcus zaad n kw VS leontay jason pornchai elvin n jonong.it was a damn siao match la.zaad techies was fuckin good. den after tht me casey greg jason cam ter leonlim sidney were supposed t go fishin bt in th end every1 backed out so didnt go.den i went home late n my bro in law talked t me.it seems tht nobody in th family understands me anymore.
ive been thinkin very long n hard these few months.i really drifted away frm my family.i find it hard t communicate wif any1 in th family nw.no one seems t noe hw i feel.feelin damn fucked up really feel im like a burden t my family.these few yrs i really hav been a useless child.seein my family suffer n in such a condition bt i can juz sit thr n do nothin.wd my bro in law said made sense bt i stil dont agree.it seems really really hard nw.very hard.i really dunnoe wd has caused t change in me.really feel damn dissapointed in myself.nw its a very hard time for my family n i can juz sit there n nt only nt help bt create more problems.im really damn tired oredy.damn fuckin tired.nw i hope tht i can juz join my grandma n uncle in th other world.dun really find a meanin in life.im losing more frens n theres really alot happenin nw.i dunno why i can help ppl solve their problems bt i cant juz solve mine.im a very useless guy.im gna do my best for my family for th nxt 1 month n den juz hope fr th best.i juz wna lighten my family's burden so i hope i can juz die somehow.i dunno hw t help in any way nw.wad can i really do nw?im really at a loss now.bt all these things wuld come t a end soon.
i hurt myself today,t see if i stil feel
i focus on th pain th only thing thts real.
what hav i become?
everyone i noe goes away in th end.
i will let u down i wil make u hurt.
these few days ive been think alot abt her.be it durin exams,on th bus or wadever.i really like her alot.bt nw she oredy has a stead n theres really nth much i can do bt juz watch her frm afar.n anws i dun see her nowadays.hopefully she wuld hav a fruitful relationship wif her current stead.though i may nt hav her bt i juz wna see her happy.so i really really wish her all th best wif my most sincere heart.
conversation,hesitations in my mind
i'm not crazy
i'm sure i ain't done nothin wrong
i'm juz waitin
cause i heard this feelin won't last that long.
Some day, when I'm awfully low
When the world is cold
i wil feel a glow juz thinkin of you
with each word your tenderness grows
tearing my fears apart
and tht laugh tht wrinkles ure nose
it touches my foolish heart
my heart wil nvr be ur home
as i layed sleepin
i dreamt i held u in my arms
wen i awoke
i was mistaken
n i hung my head n sighed.
alrite i shall end here for nw.gg t reflect upon my life nw.
briann'
