Thursday, August 31, 2006 @7:48 PM
wah today fucking overslept again.fuck man n's juz nxt wk i stil can like tht dunno wtf la.sian la feel tht i let my family down by doin all tis shit la. bt stil i wil fucking go t skul tmr.
ahhh today as usual i tanked til 3 plus den wanted t take a short nap den phaaaaamp oversleep.sian1/2 la.den i woke up at 1 la.weather today damn nice t sleep cuz its was raining n it was cold. i woke up den i tried t do up my blog bt was unsucceessful cuz i dunno hw t do shit.ahhh sian.den plus cam's comp gt pasa so cant help me do
den after tht i logged on msn n started chatting wif azim den i played wif him yahoo pool was rather fun though cuz i in a way owned him.
today i sat down n tot abt wad am i doin in my life n wad hav done n nt done.really feel damn fucking bad t my family cuz in a way i giv more attention t my frens than them.in a sense i believe tht frens wuld go away in th end.cuz i had many dissapointments in many.so many fucking times i tried t help them bt t no avail.they do nt change bt instead change for th worse.isit my fault tht i didnt try hard enough or wad.really feel damn helpless wen i see a close fren of mine juz waste his life away juz like tht.its juz nt fucking worth it la.so many of them hav a bright future ahead of them bt juz waste it away like tht.its juz a fucking fucking big pity. so many of them hav let alot of ppl down many times although many ppl hav toked t them. isit juz them or wad.n 1 particular person i fuckin helped so many times bt time n time again he has fuckin let me down.i dun expect any payback or wad wen i help him n tok t him over th phone so many fucking hrs.bt th least i could expect is him makin th statement "ure nt even my father or elder so why so i listen t u". if i didnt treat him like a fucking younger brother i wuldnt hav wasted my fucking time t tok t him these past few months.sometimes i get pissed at myself of why i cant do anithin n juz see my frens waste their life away juz like tht.
hav i really done th right things or hav i nt done th right things.these feelings really really make me fucking helpless n how t say ermmm useless oso.seeing all my frens juz wif a snap of th finger juz change like tht its really really saddening.i really dunnoe why they choose tis path in life bt i hope they wil wake up n get on wif life n start caring abt their future.they nw are juz stray cats tht dunnoe whr they are heading n stuff tis is fucking pointless i feel.i really hope someday something wuld happen t them positively and make them think th correct path n carry on properly.
nw abt myself i feel tht th past 3 yrs of my life ive juz been fuking wasting it away by juz playin n playin n nt concentrating in my studies.i really hope tht i can turn bak in time n start again.cuz if i had worked hard enough i believe i wuld be in express n nt in normal acad.im nt sayin normal acad is bad or wad bt its really a pity tht i juz waste my life juz like tht.i cant seem t really get why i cant concentrate durin lessons n stuff isit cuz im juz too used t tis kind of lifestyle or wad?tis is juz very very headache.tis few yrs oso hav marked hw much i drifted away frm my parents cuz i cant really seem t communicate wif them properly anymore cuz they juz dun listen t me n my reasons behind things i do.i noe ive changed alot t them from a young innocent boy t a teenager hu is a ah beng n spout vulgarities anyhow.im really sorry dad n mum for letting u down time and again.
tis few yrs had been a tough time for my family as we are facing financial difficulties n alot of other stuff.sometimes wen i hav really bastard uncles i cant do anything bt juz let them hurt my family.i cant bear t see my mother cry everytime wen my uncle or father does something stupid. i really feel like whacking them bt i cant seem t do tht as tht wuld juz add more unneccesary pressure on her. all these things are really a headache t me n i hope one day i can juz delete it juz like a computer does
bt ohwells its juz life.every1 has t go through certain stages n wuld mature n tink wisely frm there.some ppl wont face tis kind of pressure some wil n some might even face more pressure than tis.rich ppl sometimes are juz too fucking snobbish n tink money can buy everything.tis i tink is fucking totally wrong cuz even though u may hav all th money in th world if ure character is nt good how many true frens would u hav?n i dun understand why some ppl can juz anyhow tio taiji anyhow.its juz fucking immature n its juz dragging ure so-called brothers down n juz run away n nt face th problem.is tis th so-called brotherhood or wad i dun understand til nw theres alot of statements or rather opinions tht can be made here i dunnoe hw wuld i react if i was caught in tht kind of situation wuld i stil be frens wif them or wad.in a sense there isnt anymore so called "brotherhood" or yi qi. nowadays if u hav money ppl are ure frens if u dun hav they juz shun away frm u.is tis juz pure reality or wad.tis world in fact is fucking harsh.sometimes its juz hard t acc why tis or tht happens.ahhh its a fucking headache n i hope i could juz sleep n rest forever.im very very tired physically n mentally of wad had been happening t me n my frens. im really really tired
i hope tht i can juz really juz sleep n nt wake up forever sometime juz tis world gives alot of lanjiao taiji.its very very tiring very tiring.
